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Jokes

Latest post 08-06-2008 7:13 PM by The_Chocholic_Gerbil. 36 replies.
  • 02-09-2008 10:06 PM

    Jokes

    What do pilot's eat ?

     Big Smile

    Plane biscuits!

    Any more?

    The use of solar energy has not been opened up because the oil industry does not own the sun.
  • 02-10-2008 7:49 PM In reply to

    Re: Jokes

    Save the Whales - collect the whole set.

    Change is inevitable - except from vending machines.

    Can't think of anymore at the moment.

    Save the World. Sauver le monde. Retten die Welt. (multilingual!) Climate Change Champion 2008 South West.
  • 02-11-2008 5:17 PM In reply to

    Re: Jokes

    Computers are like air-conditioners. The second you open windows both become useless.Wink

    Theres so much pollution in the air now that if it werent for our lungs there would be no place to put it all. ~Robert Orben

  • 02-11-2008 5:19 PM In reply to

    Re: Jokes

    Heres another one,

    Computer Terminology

    Are you terrified of your computer? Do you feel out of place and overwhelmed when your friends or coworkers start spouting reams and reams of technical jargon that you will never understand? Then this article is for you! We'll help you get over your fear of technical terminology by tickling your funny bone. We'll start with some definitions that SHOULD be true, and we hope are entertaining.

    486 - The average IQ needed to understand a P.C.

    State-of-the-art - Any computer you can't afford.

    Obsolete - Any computer you own.

    Microsecond - The time it takes for your State-of-the-art-computer to become obsolete.

    Syntax Error - Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object.

    GUI (pronounced gooey) - What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it.

    Computer Chip - Any starchy food stuff consumed in mass quantities while programming.

    Keyboard - The standard way to generate computer errors.

    Mouse - An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.

    Floppy - The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.

    Hard Drive - The sales technique employed by computer salesmen.

    Portable Computer - A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation and on business trips.

    Disk Crash - A typical computer response to any critical deadline.

    Power User - Anyone who can format a disk from DOS.

    System Update - A quick method of trashing ALL of your software.

     

     

     

    Theres so much pollution in the air now that if it werent for our lungs there would be no place to put it all. ~Robert Orben

  • 02-14-2008 6:26 PM In reply to

    Re: Jokes

    - A day without sunshine is like, night.

    - On the other hand, you have different fingers.

    - I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

    - 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

    - 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

    - I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

    - Honk if you love peace and quiet.

    - Remember, half the people you know are below average.

    - He who laughs last thinks slowest.

    - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

    - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

    - Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

    - Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.

    - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

    - Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

    - If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of meetings.

    - How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand . . .

    - OK, so what's the speed of dark?

    - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

    - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

    - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

    - Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

    - Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have any film.

    - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

    - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

    - I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

    - I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

    - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

    - Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.

    Not really jokes, but very funny.

    Save the World. Sauver le monde. Retten die Welt. (multilingual!) Climate Change Champion 2008 South West.
  • 02-15-2008 11:22 AM In reply to

    Re: Jokes

    A vampire bat came flapping in from the night; face all covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the ceiling of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats could smell the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to leave off and let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in. "OK, follow me", he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a huge forest. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him, tongues hanging out for blood. "Do you see that large oak tree over there?" he asked. "Yes, yes!!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy. "Good" said the first bat, "because I didn't!"

    The use of solar energy has not been opened up because the oil industry does not own the sun.
  • 02-18-2008 10:21 PM In reply to

    Re: Jokes

    EVER WONDER...

    Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

    Why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

    Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?

    Why doctors call what they do "practice"?

    Why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows?

    Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

    Why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?

    Why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food? who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?

    Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

    Why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box ?

    Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?

    Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together? if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

    Why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?

    Theres so much pollution in the air now that if it werent for our lungs there would be no place to put it all. ~Robert Orben

  • 02-19-2008 8:55 PM In reply to

    Re: Jokes

    A parish priest is to offer ‘eco-sinners’ the chance to confess in what is thought to be the first ‘green’ confessional booth.  Obviously you can’t confess all your sins in one go but must separate bottle, paper and plastic confessions.

    The use of solar energy has not been opened up because the oil industry does not own the sun.
  • 02-21-2008 10:41 PM In reply to

    Re: Jokes

    I am liking this post string a lotStick out tongue

    Keep them coming!!!

    "You can't just go into any boxing club and pick a winning team" Flo

  • 02-22-2008 7:59 AM In reply to

    Re: Jokes

    Why do spring flowers in eco warriors’ gardens last longer?

     .

     .

     .

     .

     .

     .

    They use long life bulbs. Confused

    Save the planet "The world is not dangerous because of those who do harm but because of those who look at it without doing anything." Albert Einstein

  • 02-22-2008 10:32 AM In reply to

    Re: Jokes

    How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

     

     

     

     

     

    Two, One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.

    The use of solar energy has not been opened up because the oil industry does not own the sun.
  • 02-23-2008 9:35 PM In reply to

    Re: Jokes

    That's a good one eco-warrior!

    Fly like a butterfly Sting like a bee The hand can't hit What the eye can't see
  • 02-24-2008 9:34 AM In reply to

    Re: Jokes

    Thanks do you have any more?
    The use of solar energy has not been opened up because the oil industry does not own the sun.
  • 02-26-2008 9:01 PM In reply to

    Re: Jokes

    Well it more of a riddle this

     

    I am tall when I am young but short when I am old

    What am I??? 

    Together anything is possible In my previous life i was a little purple dragon!!
  • 02-26-2008 9:15 PM In reply to

    Re: Jokes

    Is it a cigarette?
    The use of solar energy has not been opened up because the oil industry does not own the sun.
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